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Tampilkan postingan dengan label Funny. Tampilkan semua postingan
Kamis, 11 November 2010
Rabu, 17 Februari 2010
How do these people survive?
How do these people survive?
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable, but sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Zellers with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left..
She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(Keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I! Should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable, but sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Zellers with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left..
She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(Keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I! Should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!
Jumat, 05 Februari 2010
男生有了女朋友后的13个惨状
一、没认识你之前我拿奖学金，认识你之后我差点补考。
二、你这么难看，我还说你漂亮。我这么帅，你还说我难看。
三、出去玩都是我花钱，回来我只能吃萝卜（你省下钱当然可以自己吃鱼翅了）。
四、你生气时，我让你当出气筒。我生气时，我把自己当出气筒。
五、你想吻我的时候就可以吻我。我想吻你的时候还要经过你同意。
六、你经常打我，我从来没有打过你。
七、有一次你问我如果你爱上别的男人了我会怎样，我说我要杀了那个男的。我又问你如果我爱上了别的女人了你会怎样，你说你要阉了我。
八、我买了200块的衣服给你，骗你才50块。你买了30块的手表给我，骗我要300块。
九、你生病一次，我要瘦两斤。我生病一次，你反而胖两斤（你来寝室陪我，吃光了我所有的零食。）
十、我没嫌你矮，你却嫌我高。
十一、你来我家，我睡沙发。我去你家，还是我睡沙发。
十二、那次去看露天演唱会，你骑在我头上看得津津有味，我被你压在下面在人群中流泪。
十三、我家的狗生了，我把最好看的一条送给你。你却把你养得快要死掉的金鱼送给我，害我才养两天就得给它们送终。
二、你这么难看，我还说你漂亮。我这么帅，你还说我难看。
三、出去玩都是我花钱，回来我只能吃萝卜（你省下钱当然可以自己吃鱼翅了）。
四、你生气时，我让你当出气筒。我生气时，我把自己当出气筒。
五、你想吻我的时候就可以吻我。我想吻你的时候还要经过你同意。
六、你经常打我，我从来没有打过你。
七、有一次你问我如果你爱上别的男人了我会怎样，我说我要杀了那个男的。我又问你如果我爱上了别的女人了你会怎样，你说你要阉了我。
八、我买了200块的衣服给你，骗你才50块。你买了30块的手表给我，骗我要300块。
九、你生病一次，我要瘦两斤。我生病一次，你反而胖两斤（你来寝室陪我，吃光了我所有的零食。）
十、我没嫌你矮，你却嫌我高。
十一、你来我家，我睡沙发。我去你家，还是我睡沙发。
十二、那次去看露天演唱会，你骑在我头上看得津津有味，我被你压在下面在人群中流泪。
十三、我家的狗生了，我把最好看的一条送给你。你却把你养得快要死掉的金鱼送给我，害我才养两天就得给它们送终。
Kamis, 04 Februari 2010
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